November 9th
It's a Friday evening and we had just finished eating when the phone rang. Kevin answered it, then handed it to me. "Is this Candie Evavold?" the voice on the phone asks. "Yes, it is" I reply. "This is Jonas with the Riverside County Sheriff Coroner's office. Do you know John Douglas Bezotte?" he asks. "Yes, that's my father." My mind is going a million miles an hour trying to figure out what is happening. "Ma'am, I regret to inform you that your father is dead. He died two days ago." I start to cry as my mind wraps it's way around what I had just been told. Before I can speak, Jonas continues, "I called your mother and she wasn't home. You are the legal next of kin, so all of the decisions on what to do with the body will need to come from you." Talk about being sucker punched and trying to catch your breath! The only words I can manage is "How did he die?" Jonas replied, "You are going to need to call the hospital." He proceeds to give me a name and number to call at the hospital and asks me a few questions before the call is over. I break down and cry for a few minutes before I call my grandfather and tell him the news. Since I know my mom isn't home I decide to call my Aunt Jan, she is my dad's sister, and tell her the news. She is just as shocked as I am since none of us had heard from him in over twelve years. When I get off the phone with Jan, I decide to call my mom's cell phone and tell her the news. She was at the vet's and had just been called to go into a room, so she said she would call me back. I then call the hospital, but get a machine telling me that the lady I need to speak to is on vacation for a week! So I leave a message and pray that someone will call me back. Unfortunately, I wouldn't get a call back until that following Tuesday because of the Veteran's Day holiday. When my mom called me back, I told her everything that Jonas had told me and who else I had called. We figured we wouldn't hear from anyone over the weekend, but we had been left with so many unanswered questions.
That night I didn't sleep much...I couldn't stop crying and wondering 'Did my dad die alone?' 'Was he on the streets and got stabbed or shot?' You see, my dad has a tendency to just leave and wander and he was homeless for awhile. That is why my mom divorced him because he would just take off and not come back for days and she didn't want me to grow up in that kind of environment. The last time I had seen my dad was when I was a senior in high school. We had tried to find him when I was planning my wedding, but he was nowhere to be found. We just found out that he was homeless at this time.
November 10th
My Aunt Jan calls me to tell me that she had been doing some investigating and had talked to the investigator that was handling my dad's case. She told me that my dad had a girlfriend that was in the hospital with him when he had died. She also told me that he was in the ICU for two days prior to his death and that he had died of COPD, blood poisoning, cellulitis, liver failure and cardiac arrest. She told me his girlfriend's name, Belinda, and number and that she had already talked to her and she was waiting for my call. Aunt Jan warned me that Belinda is a talker, so I decided to call after I put the kids to bed. That night I called her and we talked for 2 1/2 hours. It was so awesome! She told me that my dad had told her that he didn't have any family, that we were all dead, so she was very shocked when the hospital told her that he had an ex-wife and daughter! She told me that my dad had collapsed at home that Monday, so she had to call 911. She said that when they were putting him into the ambulance he just had this look that gave her chills. By the time she got to the hospital and gave them his information, they were calling code blue on him. The doctors brought him back, but he was in a coma for the next two days before finally passing away. I was so relieved to find out that he hadn't died alone, he wasn't on the streets, and they loved eachother and had been living together for nine years. That phone call was such a great comfort to the both of us and we got a lot of things worked out about what to do with his body. We decided that she would take care of the arrangements, since she was there and knew what he wanted, but I would have to fill out forms giving her the rights to do so, which wouldn't happen until we heard from either the hospital or the coroner's office.
November 13th
That morning I got calls back from the hospital and from Jonas. I let them know that I had spoken to Belinda and we had made decisions about my dad's body. I gave them verbal confirmation that Belinda would be handling the arrangements and asked if they needed me to fill out any forms. They both told me know and that the funeral home would take care of the paperwork, so I would just have to wait and hear from them. They both told me that they would contact Belinda and we could get things rolling. Later that afternoon, Belinda called me and told me that she had just left the mortuary and they would be contacting me to get a release so that they could get my dad taken care of. I was very relieved because I didn't want my dad's body lying around in the hospital morgue. It was upsetting to both Belinda and I.
November 15th
I still haven't heard from the mortuary and before I can give them a call, Belinda calls me to ask if I had heard from the mortuary because the hospital had just called her to find out why my dad's body was still at the hospital. I told her that I hadn't heard from them, so she told me that she would call them to find out what was going on. She called me about an hour later telling me that she had called the mortuary, but the director wasn't there and the guy she had spoken to was very rude and told her that they were going to get lawyers involved because she didn't have a legal right to make arrangements. I had her give me their number and I called to find out what was going on. The guy that I spoke to, Marco, had no idea what was going on, and I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't happy with what was going on and I wanted the director to call me first thing in the morning. The next day, Ernie, the director, called me and we got everything straightened out and he emailed me the forms that needed to be filled out and we got the ball rolling.
November 20th
I get a call from Ernie letting me know that my dad's body would be cremated the following day and that the national cemetary there in Riverside had been contacted, but nothing could be scheduled until he got the ashes back. He told me that he would let me call me back once everything had been arranged.
So finally, last week my mom let's me know that the service has been scheduled for Friday, December 28th at noon. I am so relieved, but sad that I cannot be there. I'm also very frustrated that it has taken this long to lay my dad to rest. If we were still living in California this would've gone so much smoother. I won't get to say goodbye to my dad until we can travel back to California (whenever that might be). This has been an emotional struggle for me and I don't think it will end until I get my closure, whether it's when my dad's flag arrives or when I get to the cemetary personally. So before I become a jumbled mess of emotions, I will share some pictures from my dad's service this past Friday.
December 28th
My dad's remains and service flag being brought to the service by a Marine Corps Honor Guard.
The altar.
The Honor Guard saluting my dad before refolding the flag.
The Honor Guard folding the flag. Each fold has a specific meaning.
The Honor Guard that gave the gun salute for my dad.
The Honor Guard praying over the flag before presenting it to my mom.
Handing my mom the flag, "On behalf of a greatful nation..."
Lauren, our soccer superstar!