Monday, August 25, 2008
It's not fair
These are the words that Curtis likes to say to me when I scold him or take something away from him. These are his favorite words at the moment and in some ways mine as well. For the last four months I have been saying those very words to God as I try to deal with the loss of a precious baby girl named Emmalee. I'm not exactly sure why it has effected me so much, but I cry almost every day for her and for her parents Jon and Ali, who now have to deal with an empty crib and an emptyness in their hearts. Every night when I look in on the kids before Kevin and I go to bed, I will just stare at them with the tears welling up in my eyes and tell God that it's not fair. It's not fair that Jon and Ali don't get to enjoy their sweet baby girl. They don't get to see her smile, hear her laugh or hold her. In fact, they only got to hold Emma twice, how fair is that!?! I know that this isn't the way that God intended things to be, that death wasn't the original plan and it's not fair that it now is. I'm so thankful that I serve a powerful and merciful God who sent His Son to conquer the grave for us, so that death isn't the final chapter, but the waiting and the hurting are hard to deal with sometimes.
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2 comments:
Perspective is strange...I wonder, if God wonder's why we don't see that being with Him, is better than being us. God is so gentle, like in the story of Lazarus, he wept for the people he loved and then healed him. Terry always, says it's not hard for the ones who go to Jesus...but it is excrutiating for us!
It's not fair. What's strange though is even though we don't understand why it's not fair, God does, and sees our heart. I always marvel at how the older we get the more we seem to think we know, but like in Corinthians, "Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete, but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known." It doesn't really give us understand, but it gives us hope.
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